I’ve often thought about what I would do, say, or write about if I knew my life was going to end. Not that I’m planning on it ending, but the fact that I’m going skydiving does imply I’m taunting death. I’ve often wondered about what it would be like to know that you’re going to die and then what actions would I take. Would I produce a bucket list or go on living life the way I had been, not changing anything? I’ve often felt that I don’t think I would do anything differently if I knew I had a limited amount of time left. What is the point to experience something if you can’t cherish it? It would be like a short lived celebration and then have it taken away; however having experienced something is better than to have not experienced anything.

I’ve always have wanted to go skydiving ever since I was a kid, and more so as I grew older. The funny thing is that most people in my family are too conservative, minus my brother, and are too afraid to take any real risks. Having uncertainty in life is what makes it great and risk taking is part of that uncertainty. Sure I could play life safe and be conservative and do what is “the best decision” for being safe and sound, but why would I want to live a boring and predictable life. If I could pretty much control the outcome of my decisions to always be positive and protective, I would be living in a shell and miss out on so much. “It is better to live life risking everything, than to live life and risk nothing.”

I like that last quote, but I guess I miss the point of it as I take it to the extreme and risk a whole lot all the time. It is really saying, “Take some risks in life,” as I have interrupted in my more sane consciousness. To me stacking the odds against yourself knowing that you’re most likely to fail or get burned with a slight chance of victory or glory is worth taking. It seems irrational, stupid, and foolhardy to risk anything with the odds stacked against you so high, but the reward of the experience to do so is well worth it. To achieve something that someone might say is “Million-to-one odds,” is something that is more fulfilling than a million “safe plays” in my opinion. Anyone can live in a shell, some can live around it, yet it takes a measure of character to leave the shell behind and venture into the wild.

Exploration of oneself is something that I love about life. Seeing how we can grow and mature by experience is often forgotten and only remembered during acute fractions of clarity, which originate from time to time during our lives. Don’t become overwhelmed, excited, or impulsive due to experiences; remember them for what they are and learn from them, and evolve your persona. Consistency is found in many parts of our life, but metamorphous is often forgotten due to our limited capacity to understand we have the ability to break free from our cocoon of everyday life and live out more. Much like the caterpillar that lives its life on the ground only seeing what is directly in front of it, until it marinates in a silky sleeping bag and then becoming airborne. We live grounded because we choose to. I have chosen to constantly metamorphosis so I too can experience the more than what is in front of me, like flying.

We are given multiple paths in life to follow much like the way a tree has roots, which has a trunk, which has limbs, which have branches, which have twigs, which has leaves. The roots are our foundation which allows us to grow our tree trunk; we can choose how many limbs, branches, twigs, and leaves to produce. We can choose to be like a giant redwood, or a tiny bonsai. We get to choose as we are given this freedom. It is a risk to be small and it is a risk to be gigantic. Each comes with its own benefits and consequences, failures and victories, and loves and heartbreaks. It is all dependent on where you choose to plant yourself. If we choose to plant ourselves in a desert, we become like a cactus; in a forest, like a tree; in a cave, like fungus; in the ocean, like seaweed. All are different and all are unique; most importantly, all have purpose.

Our environment can shape and mold us to who we are and what be become, but we are not plants; we can uproot and move a seven hour drive away or have way around the world if we need to. We do what is necessary to achieve what we want and set our eyes on. If we are growing in no particular direction, then nothing is necessary to guide us. If we have guidance, we have a goal in mind and then, and only then, we can choose to do what is necessary to cross the finish line. After enough trials, tribulations, and hardships are completed that draw a similar focus or purpose, dreams are realized and achieved. A dream achieve, if only even one in a lifetime, is a life well lived and thoroughly enjoyed. But all dreams are not to be achieved, and some are meant to be let go.

Disappointment is part of the overall function of life. “Without disappointment, victory wouldn’t taste so sweet and be so meaningful.” I think I heard something like that some time ago. If going through life without failing seems like a good thing, then do it. I pray for whoever goes far in life continuing to remain flawless, because failing once would be life crippling and enormously devastating. We as people are meant to fail, so that we might learn. Learning is the biggest part of life that is often seen as something that is “just a part of life.” Learning is what manipulates our character to what we are each day; the more learning, the more change, resulting in more manipulation. The ironic part is that we get set in our ways and behaviors as we feel this is what defines us with age; which is perfectly fine, but not for me. I like to continue to learn and become further manipulated.

“Manipulation – management or influencing skillfully, especially in an unfair manner;” since life is not fair, nor was it meant to be, we can omit the “especially in an unfair manner,” and are left with “management or influencing skillfully.” Kind of puts a ripple on that last number I shared, but it is crystal clear in the sense that failures develop management ability as well as influence us to have great skills in life. So it all works out in my bogus logical mannerisms. The goals that we accomplish or fail are due to both management and skills. See, manipulation in life is all fair and just, from a certain point of view. Yea I’m twisted in my thinking, but who isn’t?

It’s not all disappointment and it’s not about manipulating either, it’s more about contentment. To be able to see and feel contentment in all aspects of life is to be able to be full of humility. Being sad or happy are emotions, much like satisfaction and frustration, but contentment is a state of tranquility where emotions don’t play a role into our actions, but our mindset will always be influenced by our heart. Not to say we shouldn’t feel emotion, but not too become overwhelmed by the impact that it has on us. (Maybe I should be listening to myself) Overreaction is common, but like my grandma says, “Everything in moderation.” Something that I try to improve upon each day, and something I think we all can take to heart, whether it be emotional, financial, or physical; however I think love should not be in moderation, but in abundance.

Love, a driving fuel of life, encouragement and a sports drink that gives us the ability to push ourselves above and beyond what we ever thought imaginable. Well, maybe not a sports drink, but it is the biggest risk in my opinion much like doing some “deep water soloing.” (Deep water soloing is bouldering, free climbing without gear, over cliffs in the ocean, usually to crazy heights that make you pee on yourself. Yeah, it’s crazy! Crazy fun, that is.) I like to use the analogy of rock climbing to love as rock climbing helped me realize so much about life. Each route, or “problem” as climbers refer to them as, is unique, much like each loving relationship with a family member or significant other. The texture of the stone or wall is like the foundation on which love is built. Full of cracks, bumps, slopes, smooth areas, sharp points, and beauty are all part of the equation. The difficulty is based on how hard it is to climb; or in relationships, how much effort will it take in a given type of relationship.

Love is a problem, but not something meant to stump us. It is something we need to explore, mediate on, believe in, and devote ourselves to in order to achieve something awesome; ascension to top, thus finishing the climb. Each hold of the problem helps us get that much closer to our goal, but just like anything you do, do it because you love it, not just to get it done in life. Feel out and position yourself so that you can prepare yourself for the next move or motion. Understanding what and how to go about things is to first plan out how to reach our goals, just getting there isn’t always as easy as thinking about it. It requires energy you don’t have, it requires patience you don’t have, and it requires a mindset that sees perseverance and yearns for it. It is the perseverance that gives us the heart to go beyond what we see as possible and lets us grab that next hold. Sloper, crimp, jug, heel hook, or mantle are all holds and techniques, all unique, and some tougher than others, much like the stages of a relationship. Parents and children are probably the toughest love relationships, but I wouldn’t know; after that probably significant others. Nonetheless all different, all have different aspects of them.

There is only one way to become a better climber, or learn how to love in a deeper compassion and that is through experience. Experience requires risk, risk is scary, but isn’t love? To allow yourself to become vulnerable physically, mentally, or emotionally is not something we want to do, but is necessary. In order to experience anything, we are at some level of threat to our well being. The greater the threat, the greater the experience, the greater the wisdom gained; I like to view it. But what is all about love? What is climbing all about? It’s different for each person. We all have our own unique views on the things we enjoy doing and what it is about them that we enjoy so much. Whatever we do in life is much like that, the one thing that everything we do is connected to life itself. Life is the greatest risk.

Life is composed of any and every action, emotion, experience, and goal. We choose what we like or want to do. We risk what we are comfortable with. Some risk a lot, some risk a little. The greater the risk, the greater the cost, the greater the chance of devastation, the greater the reward if we succeed, but always guaranteed a greater experience and wisdom gained.

I encourage you to take risks. Love is one of them, yet living life is the greatest. Some call me crazy, but I like greater experiences.

“It is better to live life risking everything, than to live life and risk nothing.”

One thing I think about a lot is life, and what exactly keeps me going or wanting to continue the weekly grind to live for the weekend; putting aside my faith and beliefs. The fuel for life is really unique for each person and the drive that keeps it going comes from that uniqueness. I often find myself wondering what is my fuel and uniqueness, but cannot derive an answer. Sports speak a lot to me and have made me development into the competitive person I am with a spirit that refuses to submit or be dominated into defeat. This spirit I have seen most clearly revealed when I play hockey. With three periods of penalties and goals, lessons for life, and one outcome; all these add up to one result: game over. But did I win of lose? It all depends on how you played.

Practice and Learning How to Play

The first time I put on skates was because my aunt took me and my brother ice skating. Despite the fact that I held onto the wall and went in circles, it was necessary for me to get a feel for the ice. Time and time again I went ice skating walking around the parameter of the rink, until I finally became comfortable. I don’t remember when it happened, just like I don’t remember my first steps, but I had to start somewhere. Just like in any endeavor in my life, it all started with a first step.

Learning to play the game of hockey came due to a great friend Frank, who was inspired by his father. We begged our parents as kids, my Dad in my case, to put out for the gear so that we could get out there and have a good one. We played tirelessly for hours from morning until night, when there was no school, from afterschool until dinner time, and day after day starting back in second grade. We learned to puck handle, pass, shoot, but most importantly how to love the game. Blood drawn or no blood drawn, we played. We played regardless of injury, because we loved the game.

Our first team was comprised of the neighborhood kids and we learned teamwork and how to piss each other off as well as celebrate with great joy. We had a rival team from another area a few streets over that lead to countless games and good times. We eventually formed a team together that would dominate the peewee league all the way through high school leaving golden figurines as reminders of our devotion, dedication, and love for this game.

Practice was fun, but playing a competitive game is what it is all about…

Pre-game

Before the game is even started, the ice is cut, teams are in their locker rooms, the fans – mostly parents - are waiting, and anticipation is in the air. The teams charge out to the ice and begin to warm up and if not already focused for the game ahead, getting their mindset in gear for the battle ahead. There are going to be moments of excitement, disappointment, and eye-opening revelations.

Much like our parents that planned or didn’t plan for our each one of us to be born, a game to play is set in motion. Strategy, preparedness, and the idea of winning is all that can be thought about in that locker room by each team. The coach there to encourage you, your team there to support and make fun of you, and only a few ticks of the clock before it starts. Let’s go boys, game time!

First Period

The face off starts the game as both team silent with all eyes on the center faceoff circle and the refs signal to the goalies if they are ready. It’s more of a formality, because you know weather or not they are ready the glove hand rises into the air and the ref blows the whistle. The puck is dropped and all hell breaks loose. Sticks clash before the puck even touches the surface as the ref throws it to the ice. Emotions, adrenaline, and egos take over as the fight for the puck begins for the next 60 minutes. Hope you ate your breakfast, you’re going too need every calorie to burn if you want to do more than just play; you need to compete to win, just like life.

The first five minutes of the game sets the mood as both teams get to size the other up and decide how to compete and beat the other team into a pulp and declare domination. The style and layout of the offense and defense is observed much like the scenery of any fantastic view. It may not have mountains, valleys, rivers, or cliffs, but the game play will climb and fall, settle and hysteria, and flow. All while crashing against each other like white water onto rocks. The boards shake, the puck glides, the fans cheer, and the teams are engaged in an epic battle charge to determine who wants it more; in just five minutes this was seen clearly in every game the Oakland Killer Bees played.

Comfort sets in as this period comes to an end as the game is paced and whether up one goal or down five, it’s still anyone’s game believe it or not. Did you come to play or compete; two periods left, and that is plenty of time to make that legendary come back or to continue to steamroll that your opponent into the pavement while they scream in agony. Two periods to go, and I hope you’re not tired. This was the easy period.

Second Period

I’m living the second period right now. I have a grasp of what I have to deal with in life and what is around me. I just need to decide how hard I want to play. I love hockey, so I better play life just as hard.

“5 minutes for fisticuffs…” “What the hell, he ran into my fist as his helmet flew off on its own. I was clearly skating away! Ref needs to get them glasses checked!”

“5 minutes for misconduct…” “I better shut my mouth before this ref starts hear how retarded his face looks…”

I hate the penalty box. Better be on point in life.