Best Song Ever (Mario Kart related that is.)

Since I started my interest in Christianity, and later becoming a follower, I
strived to follow and be as good as a Christian as I could be. I changed my
habits, attitude, and behavior so that I would be a stand up "Super
Christian," that I thought I was supposed to be. Until about a year and a
half ago, when I finally broke down due to the pressure I placed upon myself. I
couldn't take it. I tried so hard to become something that I thought I needed to
be. I have always been an extremist and totally committed to whatever I had
become involved with as to show that I am true to my cause and purpose. I it
just wasn’t worth it anymore to try so hard, but instead just be me.

 

Perfection is something I am always striving for within
myself, thus always willing to change who I am to achieve it. I thought about
it and came to the conclusion that if perfection is constant, and I am always
changing then I cannot ever be perfect, but only constantly improve through
change. A lot of people see that I go through drastic changes of lifestyle
throughout high school, college and now in my young career days. They have a
hard time relating to me as they feel like they know who I am inside, but don’t
see it from me on the outside like it once did when I was a kid.

 

I guess when the breakdown happened I decided that I was
going to stop trying so hard and do what I wanted to do. Instead of trying to
follow my bible as close to the letter as possible, I would be me and accept
that fact that I was made the way I am and so I should just go do, with reason,
as I saw fit. I decided that I had held myself back a lot from many
experiences; perhaps some good and some not so good. Since this time I have
discovered many things and met many new faces that I have shared most excellent
times with.

 

The straw that broke my bridge resulting in my breakdown was
losing Kristina, my girlfriend at the time, due to my actions and choices. It
was pretty evident that it was a huge blow to my pride and showed immensely in
my lack of motivation. I didn’t understand it when it happened or why it
happened, but I did get that it wasn’t a dream and life just dropped a duce on
me. It was then I left church right before service and called my best friend up
to talk.

 

Norvelle has been like a brother, if not just that to me
since I met him. He’s seen me go through a painful breakup before, but never
saw me just break down not able to handle a situation before. It was him I went
to after church that day and once again gave me the pep talk that I needed to
hear. He has always been there as I have screwed up and just gave me the “It’ll
be alright man” talk time and time again. When life has been crappy it has
always been nice to know that you got a bro to talk to and have a beer with.

 

After the pep talk I decided that I needed to step away from
church as a whole and gather myself. Since church was an emotional trigger that
would cause me pain I didn’t want to be around it as it would just set me off.
So I decided to take my journey outside the Christian bubble that I lived in
for the past 4+ years.

 

I decided to join a car club and tune my car as it was
something I really wanted to do in high school and figured I should do the
things I really wanted to do. I got to meet a lot of new friends and “family”
as we are that tight with one another. I went places that I never been before
and got to do a lot of fun things, like go to Apple Hill and participate in a
food eating contest. Apple pie has been the same since. I got my car in the
Scion commercial that came out a couple months ago which was really cool. I
love the sense, but honestly the drama sucks when it starts.

 

I remember a lot of people, encouraging me go to another
church or get plugged in elsewhere. I remember my mentor, Scott, taking me out
to sushi as a lot of people were worried about me as if I would do something
crazy like commit suicide or something. I remember Sunday school teacher, Jody,
taking me out to dinner and talking about what was going on. I remember Pastor
Steve met with me for coffee and asked me to be a trustee as I was nominated
and thought to be fit for the job. All of these things I am thankful for, but I
didn’t want to be around church at all as I was all mixed up inside. I knew
what I believed, but needed to figure out what I wanted to do.

 

Since all of this happened, it has been the first time I
have been single in years. I always have wanted to have someone close to me
care for. I learned that I needed to care about me and be happy with me first
before this can happen. I needed to understand that I had to be content with
who I am and what I wanted from life before I could share that with someone. I
needed to be whole as a person and accepting of who I am and what I am before
someone can appreciate who I am and love me for who I am, just like they want
me to do the same for them. Not something perfect, but love the imperfection.

 

I remember that I really wanted to get married at a young
age and have kids young so I could teach them how to play hockey or take them
camping so I wouldn’t be this worn out of guy that had back problems and could
play with my kids. I guess it was good to see that I had many opportunities to
take advantage of now that I am single and can be free to roam around and do
what I want. I don’t really have a plan, but to experience what I can while I
am young, cause I already missed out a lot.

 

I feel we can never plan everything out in life and that despite
that it flows like a river, from one body of water to another. We can enjoy the
ride of clam waters, rapids, or water falls knowing that it is always moving
and never stopping. The memories gained during the adventure make the river all
the more interesting and fun, but there is sadness and painful times as well. Life
is ever changing like this river, yet I think instead of water flowing, we rather
be a stone staying in one place as change is not always something we want to do
or accept.

 

Life is so complex... sometimes I wish it were just simple,
or is it I who make it complex?

I guess I figured out that I want to be me and nothing more.

 

I don’t even think this post makes sense but at least I
wrote down my thoughts.

I dont think I need to break down or explain why I waited so
long to open a savings account. I have been working for 2 years in my career
field and spent plenty of money here and there and justified not opening a saving
account for the simple reason that my debt’s interests dont out way that of a
savings account interest. Thus I figured I should just keep all my money in my
checking account and let it dwindle away as the bills come.

But like all things, I think something clicked today. I dont know how exactly,
but I think it is related to something that I picked up along the 26 years of
life. It all boils down to habits. In order to make it a habit to save, which I
dont have, I need to practice it. In the past I have justified against saving
as I would just pay off debts faster with more "liquid" moving in and
out of my checking account to bills and such. Kinda like reading the bible
everyday, gotta start doing it sometime to get into the habit.

 

I would get quite stressed when the checking account got low
and then wonder what I would do if I lost my job with no savings. So finally
and with great satisfaction I have opened an account with the encouragement of
my roommate. I also am making him responsible for asking me if I deposited some
of my paycheck into my savings, as well as asking me if I dip into it and steal
the savings.

 

10% a month should do well, but a min of $50 per check will
be enforced. Wish me luck with saving. It’s my first time! Be gentle! LOL
hahahahaha

You Are An ENTJ

The Executive You are a natural leader - with confidence and strength that inspires others. Driven to succeed, you are always looking for ways to gain, power, knowledge, and expertise. Sometimes you aren't the most considerate person, especially to those who are a bit slow. You are not easily intimidated - and you have a commanding, awe-inspiring presence. In love, you hold high standards... for yourself, for your relationship, and for your significant other. While it's easy for you to impress others, it's hard for you to find someone who impresses you. At work, you are organized and good at delegating. You understand how to achieve goals. You would make a great CEO, entrepreneur, or consultant. How you see yourself: Rational, calm, and objective When other people don't get you, they see you as: Inflexible, controlling, and overbearing

Funny how I never thought of writing a post about my grandma after all these years of being on xanga. I find it ironic because she helped put me through college and did a lot of stuff for me growing up. I think on thing that sticks out most about my Grandma is that she is great to talk with. My other family members are quite critical and opinionated and unable to back down from what they say, not open to listening to another side, or ideas that they are not too comfortable with, but she is.

I think she has been a great influence on my life and has got me with the hard times and have shared good times together too. She continues to remind me to be balanced in life and not to be too one sided, she and I both know I'm quite the extremist, but working to find that grey area. She expresses it as, "Do things in moderation." Followed by, "I made some soup, you should drink it." If you are Chinese at all, then you know about the herbal soups that are just foul tasting and supposually good for you. She'd say when I was about 10, when I was playing soccer, "It will make you fly!" So enthusiastic and full of energy as if it made it go down any easier; not that I had a choice to drink it or not.

She's quite the spiritual person, growning up in the church and going regularly through her younger aduklts years, but also chose to explore buddism which she is quite fond of now. She tells me these stories and dreams that she has had, some which are kinda out there, but she is sincere and hasnt gone sinial yet. She always tells you need to learn to be able to dettach from things; which I find to be a great piece of advice, but so hard to do. She also tells me about "chi gung" and I remember when she would practice it and explain to me the energy and flow and stuff, it was pretty badass.

Snickers and See's Candies are always found in her frigde and she loves to eat her sweets. She often tell me, "Well I buy them and then hide them in the fridge so I dont find them." I usually reply, "But they are gone now and so I dont think the hiding is working." But once in a while I find some stashed and she'll reply, "O, you found it." She says that she needs to watch how much she eats, and I agree to an extent, but I tell her, "Hey enjoy your life and do whatcha want."

My grandma has been the fill-in for my mom for advice with the girls that I date and such and as time has gone on I see that she has always supported me, and then went the relationship eneded she would tell me that , "I didnt like her" or "she wasnt a good match." I would always reply, "Why didnt you tell me?" I guess I have to experience failure and learn a few things before I can find the right one; and she was only trying to look out for me and be supportive. I guess I cant ask for much more than support, I guess that is definiately something that I really need to look for as I think I need a lot of it. hahahaha

Funny how she always tells me that she always looks funny in pictures and since I wanted a good picture of her I had to get one. I got this recently in Hawaii with her at my brother's wedding.

Thanks for everything Grandma! You're the Best!

So I haven't seen my lil sister in a while do to the traveling and such, so I told her that I would take her out on Sunday, the same day I got from Vegas and I am still recovering, but that is a different story. I told her to pick out something to do like go to a movie or something.

So I took her to see Zack and Miri make a porno. Mind you she is only 13. Now I got to see a lot of R rated movies since I was 7-9 years old as me dad would take me along and it was awesome, but this was pretty much a porn nonetheless. It had all the aspects of a porn and it was more or less as graphic as a porn.

I tired to reason with myself and logically approach it as a mistake, but full well knowing it was gonna be hilairious and that I wanted to see it was enough for me to go. After all she wanted to see it and I'm sure she didnt see anything the interwebz hasnt already shown her.

So I came to the conclusion of:

A) Worst brother of all time with respect to shielding my lil sister's brain from things

or

B) Most awesome brother for being cool and taking her to watch Zack and Miri

*I did inform her mom (she is my half sister) and I told her she could chew me out after she watched it if she wanted to. Apparently I found out that my step sister already chewed out my step brother for almost taking my lil sister to see it.

Conclusion;

I'm the coolest older brother ever! =D

Despite the fact that "Waiting" was released a few years back, I finally got around to watching it. The moral of this movie stands strong: "Don't fuck with people who serve you food." SERIOUSLY!

The restaurant used in the movie was almost exactly like the Establishments that I worked at as for as layout and personalities found. I sadly regret not watching it sooner. Everything that happened in this movie is pretty much on par with how people act and the things that they do and wish they could do. The story does a moral of not staying in the restaurant business too long as you will end up there the rest of your life, most likely.

It was great to see and have the attitudes of employees represented to a pretty much what really happens in a restaurant during a shift. You have:

a) Talking about customers (both good and bad)
b) So much discussion about tipping right and what you made
c) The bitterness of working there and how much you just want the shift to end
d) The flirting with customers
e) Game(s) played on shifts among employees
f) The partying after a shift, only to pass out and wake up and do it again
*I will not comment whether or not things actually happen to the food served

I could relate to it so well as it was a replay of that job I had years ago. It's actors really did a great job showing exactly the type of people you will encounter, both employees and customers alike. I can say that sadly I had some managers like Dan.

I guess I would recommend that everyone should watch this movie so you will have a good understanding what it is like to work in the food industry if you have never worked in it; and if you have, you will just laugh your ass off.

Cheers and happy Waiting.....

Away from home yet again...

Kid Food Memories Include: Toast, Soup, Grapes, Celery with Peanut Butter and a glass of Milk.

Futurama and ATHF for Entertainment.

Bliss  ^_____^